Crazy Days!

So, yesterday, I had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad, CRAZY day with my almost two year old twins. There were tears, suppressed yells, and that awful feeling that I am just not cutting it as a parent. I literally cried in the shower last night. Like a sad, dirty, smelly little baby.

So. Today. Today was crazy too. Crazy fun! There was laughter, and toys smashing into each other and jumping piggies. It was amazing! What was the difference?

Well, after much thought, I realized that I was trying to get my boys interested in activities that they were not only completely DISINTERESTED in, but I realized that they weren't quite ready for them.

My son D. wanted SO badly to please Mommy and to do what I was showing him, and when he couldn't it was just TOTAL frustration and toddler overload. I had set him up to fail. It was an accident, and totally unintentional, but the result was the same as if I had planned it out: A very cranky, uncooperative little boy, and a mama to match!

So, today. Today. Ah, today was a glorious day. The birds sang, the rain poured, and it was amazing. Today, I started playtime with something I already knew my boys liked: water. I poured about a centimeter of water into a chip and dip tray. We had a ball!

I tried to keep that in mind all day, choosing activities that had a "hook" to them, that were simple enough that they could complete them, and we really enjoyed our day.

So, why am I sharing this here? Because yesterday, I wanted to quit. I was SOOOO frustrated, I didn't know what to do. Realizing that my son picked up MY frustration, when he's already got too much of his own to handle, made me realize that I need to fix this. Now.

My frustration came from the fact that they're not talking much yet, and at nearly two, they should have at least 50 words. So, I was trying to teach them to talk. Badly. AND IT DIDN'T WORK!!

Once I changed my tactics, things went BEAUTIFULLY! So, the moral of the story: There's more than one way to skin a cat, and more than one way to teach a toddler (or any child) a skill. Don't give up!

Anger and kids: What do I do when I feel I'm about to blow my top?

     


 With kids, anger is GOING to happen. You are going to get frustrated. You are going to get super pissed when they throw the eggs and cheese you JUST cooked on the floor instead of eating it. It is impossible to be a parent and not get angry. So what do you do when those moments happen?

• Get away!--If it's safe to leave your child alone for a few moments, walk away. The Bible tells us to flee from temptation and not to sin in our anger. If you can't leave the room, turn your back if possible. If there's another parent or adult home, ask them to take over. You need a moment to decompress and decide how to respond so that you can be the parent you want to be. 
• Remind yourself that this is a child-- They are not going to act like an adult. They are learning about everything in the world, including how to behave.

• Remind yourself that they are learning from you-- If you consistently blow your top when you get angry, just wait to see how incredibly earth-shaking those temper tantrums will become!
• Pray--Call out to God and tell Him how angry you are. Ask Him for patience and strength. He is your best ally. 
• Try to remember the big picture--will this event matter tomorrow? Next month? Next year? When viewed in this context, the little things that make us angry get a whole lot smaller. 
• Hold onto the love you have for your child
• Teach yourself to pause and consider before reacting--Many of us had explosive parents, and our go-to response is to be explosive. Try to take a moment to collect yourself, and be intentional with how you respond to your children. 
• Don't give up!--Changing your response consistently will take time. Rome wasn't built in a day. Even if you felt that you did a terrible job today, if you keep trying, you will eventually succeed. Remember that the only way to truly fail is to quit trying. You are learning a new skill, you will get this. 

I hope that these tips will help you to have a better relationship with your kids, and yourself. Remember that kids are learning from you, so the best thing you can do is treat yourself kindly. If you make a mistake, apologize to them, and then try again tomorrow. They will respect the effort. Kids are cool like that. :) 

                                                                                       Speaking the truth in love, 

                                                                                                       Lorraine

What does "spare the rod" really mean?

                I chose Spare the Rod as a name for this blog because I believe that this verse, Proverbs 13:24, is an overused justification for spanking. To understand this better, I suggest you follow this link:
                                             Explanation of the phrase, "Spare the Rod"
                 
If you're not ready to read it all, here is my favorite part: 

"At face value, it’s fairly easy to see how people can take this verse to mean that they must spank their children if they love them. If one assumes that the “rod” in question is in fact a spanking implement and that “son” is referring to a small child of either gender, the meaning of the verse is clearly that a parent who loves their child will certainly spank them.

So, what does the Hebrew say?

The key words, from my perspective, are “rod,” “son,” and “discipline.”

The word “rod” is translated from the word shebet which means a scion, for example: literally a stick (for punishing, writing, fighting, walking, ruling, etc.) or figuratively a clan. (from Strong’s Hebrew Lexicon)

The most likely definition of the word in this context is a staff (shepherding stick), scepter (ruling stick), or punishment stick. I will address the possibility of it meaning a stick to punish someone with when I look at Proverbs 23:13.

If the word means “shepherding stick” then it would seem to indicate guiding and protecting. Contrary to some teachings, shepherds do not beat their sheep. Sheep need a lot of guidance and protection for which the shepherd’s rod serves them well. The shepherd can use the stick to protect the sheep from enemies and to guide them towards their destination. I actually like this interpretation of the word “rod” in this context. It makes a very nice picture of a parent gently guiding their children to greener pastures. However, since the shepherd doesn’t punish, discipline, or chastise the sheep, I’m not sure how that would reconcile with the second half of the verse.

The definition I prefer (might as well be up front about my bias) is scepter which would also make sense when considering that Solomon probably wrote this. I believe that we are given authority over our children and a great responsibility to “bring (our children) up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” Someone with authority over someone else would discipline, disciple, chastise, correct, and maybe even sometimes punish those under their authority.

In fact, if you look at all the other places that the word shebet is used in the Bible, the vast majority of them are symbolizing authority of some sort, whether God’s or man’s, and the verse still makes sense if you substitute the word “authority” for “rod.”

              Personally, I was WAY over controlled as a child, as my parents were before me. The interesting part is that over-control is just as damaging as NOT disciplining a child at all. In fact, children who have no discipline and children who are over-disciplined have some of the same traits as adults. Some of these traits include:

• Difficulty making decisions--Under-disciplined and over-disciplined adult children can both be impulsive, seek instant gratification, and want what they want now, but for different reasons. They also don't always know WHAT they want. 
• Lack of self-discipline--when children aren't given the opportunity to make and learn from their mistakes, or when the results of those mistakes are covered up or swept away by their parents (or anyone), they don't learn how to control themselves. 
• Vulnerability to addiction, depression, low self-esteem, and underachievement
• Resistance to close relationships as they grow up.

                        And many, many other things, depending on the child and the situation. So, now that all this depressing information has been laid out, what are you supposed to do? Your parents screwed you up. It's too late. Or is it? 

             I believe it is never too late. It's never too late for you, and it's never too late for your child. Anyone can change. All you have to do is want it. 

So how do you change this? How do you help your child grow up healthy when you're barely getting through the day yourself? 

One step at a time. 

Children are amazing at teaching us or helping us to better understand ourselves when we teach them, or just spend time with them. They may remind you of yourself at that age. You may have happy memories or horrible ones associated with your childhood. That doesn't mean you can't turn it around for you and your kid, the little one that God blessed you with. 

Out of all the people in the world, God gave this child (or these children) to you. He knew that you had problems, that you didn't "know what you were doing." And that is all okay. 

The key is attitude. The key is wanting change and trying to implement it every day. 

Now, this blog is not going to be about just one element of parenting. It will be about all of it. I'll share my struggles with you, and I hope you'll share yours with me. I'll share tips I've picked up from books and other parents, and I'll share fun activity ideas for you and your little ones. 

This is a lot to take in, but here it is, and every week I'll write another post. I look forward to helping however I can. :)

                                                                                     Speaking the truth in love, 

                                                                                                    Lorraine